


Again and Again I Will Fall In Love With You

by castiel52



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: 5 + 1 Fic, 5 Times, 5+1 Things, Canonical Character Death, Gen, Happy Ending, Immortal Merlin, M/M, Melancholy, Reincarnation, Second Chances, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-10
Updated: 2015-04-23
Packaged: 2018-02-04 04:11:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1764955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castiel52/pseuds/castiel52
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Five times Merlin said ‘I love you’ first and the one time Arthur did.</i>
</p>
<p>He let himself be selfish for a little while, just a short while, and ran gentle fingers through those soft golden locks and whispered, ‘I love you’. And every night since then, he would do almost the same once he was certain that Arthur was fast asleep, but instead of the soft, ‘I love you’ he uttered before, he said, ‘sleep peacefully and stay safe, love’. Perhaps someday, he could say those three words to his king once more.</p>
<p>
  <span class="small">
    <i>NOTE: The Major Character Death tag was because Arthur did die at the end of season 5</i>
  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 5

**Author's Note:**

> The **+1** will be at the next chapter because I was sooooo excited to post this. :)
> 
> **Unbeta'd. Unedited. I'm lazy. ******
> 
> This is my first time trying a Merthur fic and I've only watched up to somewhere in season 3 so I am saying sorry ahead of time. :D

 

**1.**  

…

(Merlin watched as Arthur fell even more in love with Gwen, and it hurts, it _hurts_ like nothing else could but still he was by his side. He supported them because Gwen was his friend and Arthur was the one he loved the most.)

 

One night, when Merlin was certain his prince—his _king_ —was asleep, he walked over to his bed and just looked; memorizing everything that the prince is. He let himself be selfish for a little while, just a short while, and ran gentle fingers through those soft golden locks and whispered, ‘I love you’. And every night since then, he would do almost the same once he was certain that Arthur was fast asleep, but instead of the soft, ‘I love you’ he uttered before, he said, ‘sleep peacefully and stay safe, love’. Perhaps someday, he could say those three words to his king once more.

 

(He didn’t take into consideration that Arthur’s life would not be as long as his.)

 

 

  **2.**

 

After he let Arthur float on the lake, he went back to Camelot looking like he had died himself and Gwen, Gwen understood because she had loved Arthur, too, and hugged him and they cried in each other’s arms through the night. It was fucking horrible.

 

He stayed for almost five years, helping Gwen make arrangements and laws as they repealed the ban on magic. Some people would always be wary of it, but those who lived when magic was blooming, those who knew its goodness, were able slowly but surely assure the rest that magic is a wonderful thing, it’s the user who was corrupted.

 

Gwen moved on and found a new love in Leon. Merlin was happy for her. She deserved to be happy. He, on the other hand, still hasn’t moved on from Arthur.

 

Once he was sure that starting to accept magic sincerely once more, he started to travel, only returning once in a while. He learned a lot of things, and even started to learn how to see the future, like the seers did, like _Morgana_ did back then. But it was always a very near future and always something that could never be changed. He never once saw Arthur rise.

 

***

 

It’s whatever-hundred years and Merlin was still deeply in love with Arthur. He was alone now. Everyone he ever cared for was now gone, has moved to another life. But at least they all had happy, beautiful lives.

 

(He couldn’t say about the same about himself. He was at least content, though.)

 

Gwen and Leon had a son who they named Emrys James. They said it was fitting that the young prince be named after the greatest king Camelot has ever had, despite his short reign, and the greatest warlock to ever walk the earth.

 

(They had wanted to name him Merlin James, but he thought his druid name would be more fitting for a prince born at the golden age of magic.)

 

Three years after that, they had a daughter who they named Morgana Freyalline. Gwen thought of Morgana, who was her closest friend when the lady’s heart was still kind and pure. Merlin thought of Freyalline.

 

(Freya, to him, was his first love, despite their short time together.)

 

 Gaius died about ten years after Arthur did, but he died happy. Merlin mourned the loss of his second father, but he was happy that Gaius would not be suffering anymore. His mother followed two years later. She died with a smile on her face and the words, “be happy, my sweet boy.” He cried the whole night as his mother’s dead body burned, making a dragon out of the fire taking her back to the earth.

 

EJ, as they have taken to calling him, has been crowned as the new king of Camelot when he turned twenty-eight and Gwen wanted to step off the throne.

 

(Leon was never crowned as the king because to him, Arthur would always be king).

 

Leon died of old age, just as Gaius did, at the age of eighty-eight. Gwen followed soon after. He wasn’t sure what really happened with the rest of the knights, but he knew most of them simply had families and died of old age as well.

 

For the first time in a very, _very_ long time, Merlin went to visit Arthur.

 

The king was still resting in the lake, after he has taken the sword all those years ago. Merlin sat down and talked and talked and talked. He told Arthur about Gwen and Leon’s children, about how Camelot has embraced magic once more but it seemed like less and less children have the natural potential to learn it. It made Merlin feel sad. He told him about his travels, all the things he learned from different druid camps and that he can now see the future as well, something he never really explored because nothing was really ever certain.

 

When his voice started to get hoarse and his throat scratchy, he simply remained silent. When the wind blew softly, he smiled and whispered a soft, ‘I love you’ and got up, dusting the back of his loose trousers.

 

If someone was to pass by, they would have seen an old man with a long, graying beard and hair on his head. But when Merlin glanced at his reflection, he saw the barely nineteen year old boy who first came to Camelot.

 

 

**3.**

 

Time was passing, Merlin knew it, but he didn’t really care. He moved from one place to another, sometimes as the eighteen-almost-nineteen year old boy he was when he first met Arthur, and sometimes, as the old man he liked to use as an illusion to everyone around him, but never stayed for more than ten or fifteen years in one place.

 

(He has learned, at one point, that he can simply create an illusion instead of aging himself with a spell.)

 

He has been living in a town he couldn’t even remember the name for almost five years now. This time, he arrived as a twenty-two year old man wanting a new life. He changed his hair color, though, and his eyes. He looked quite feminine, for he was still so young.

 

His hair, this time was a dirty blonde and his eyes were green as forest, reminding him of Morgana. He let his body look lean, as always, and he was still young, anyway. He has a tall, quite narrow nose and his lips weren’t too thin nor too thick. His lashes, as it has always been, were long and curly. He could probably pass as a woman if anything but he liked this face he took.

 

He was buying some food from the market when he saw him. He didn’t look as he did before but he knew it was him— _Lancelot_.

 

Lancelot _almost_ looked exactly the same, except he didn’t. His nose was slightly narrower than it was before, taller, even. His lips were closer to a light pink than the pinkish orange he got used to and his cheekbones were slightly sharper. His eyes seemed lighter as well.

 

He stared at his old friend, wanting to talk to him and find out if he remembered anything. But then his attention was caught by a young man beside Lancelot. They were standing too close to each other, especially for two men who were merely friends in the seventeenth (or was it eighteenth?) century, and they looked like they were the only two people in the world but was fighting so hard not to make it obvious to anyone but them.

 

(It was obvious to Merlin because most of the time, that was how he looked at Arthur.)

 

The man beside Lancelot had light blonde hair which was probably made lighter by the summer sun. He had bright blue eyes that were very obvious, even from afar and thin pink lips. He has an angular jaw, his face was basically shaped like a square, and made him more masculine somehow, despite his obviously clean shaven face. As he studied the man better, he almost laughed and cried at the same time when it hit him. That was _Gwen_. For some reason, Gwen seemed to have been reincarnated as a man and was obviously still so in love with Lancelot, even in this life.

 

Instead of talking to them, he turned to the other direction and walked back to his small house, food he needed to buy already forgotten as he tried to think of how to tell Arthur of what he saw.

 

***

 

It was the second time that Merlin was visiting Arthur since he let his king’s body sail to the lake. He didn’t go too often because he knew it would hurt more and he knew Arthur wanted him to live his life. So he only went there when the feeling of emptiness was too much to bear and he was so very close to giving up, and seeing Lancelot and Gwen together just made his heart ache because they were here and they found each other.

 

“So, I saw Gwen and Lancelot today…”

 

He talked and talked about how his two friends, who he knew has loved each other so much but never had the chance to fall in love even more. He talked about how happy he was that they had their second chance and that he wondered if he himself would ever have that chance with Arthur, too, when he rises again. After that, he talked about his travels and how he learned to speak French and German and Russian and also learned how to pain. “I painted a few portraits of you, so I wouldn’t be too lonely,” he said as the day started to move closer to an end.

 

When the moon was smiling from above as the stars glittered around it, Merlin finally stood up and stared at the lake for a while. “I love you.” He whispered before he turned around to face the life he now has.

 

 

**4.**

 

After seeing Gwen and Lancelot, more and more of his friends started to be reincarnated. First, it was Gwaine, then Percival, Leon, Elyan, Mordred and Morgana. He never talked to any of them but he knew it was them. Sometimes, he watched over them, sometimes he didn’t and just packed his bags to move on to the next town or city or country.

 

It was on the fourth of August in nineteen eighty four that Gaius has finally come. The old man (who looked like he was sixteen, to be honest) was waiting for him at his house in California with a smirk and that eyebrow thing he did back then.

 

Merlin smiled, wide and happy, so, so happy and rushed to crush Gaius in a tight embrace. It was gladly returned.

 

Merlin was currently thirty-eight and was a lawyer at Lopez-McKinley. He thought he was quite a good one, if he said so himself.

 

Merlin and Gaius entered his humble home and he finally had the time to take in Gaius’ new appearance.

 

Gaius now has dark brown hair instead of the grey ones he was used to. He has amber eyes and a sharp, angular jaw, shaping his face into a more square-like. His nose was tall and his lips were wide and full. He has moles dotted on his face that actually looked good on him but his body was still growing and he was still all long limbs and awkward angles. But he knew it would look better as he got older.

 

“How old are you?” Merlin finally asked.

 

Gaius smiled softly at him, that same paternal smile he gave Merlin and said, “Sixteen. You can ask the question you actually want an answer to.” His smile was patient, as always, as he waited for Merlin to make up his mind. In the end, he could only come up with, “Why?” And Gaius just knew, as always. “I think you know.”

 

Merlin simply huffed a laugh and knew he’d have to find Arthur soon.

 

Merlin and Gaius simply talked—about Merlin’s travels, the things he learned, what he did while he traveled and then about Gaius’ new life—until it was time for Gaius to go home to his parents before they got worried.

 

That night, he stared up at one of his paintings of Arthur that he did with a more modern look to it. Arthur was wearing a suit, a tuxedo, to be specific and had a smirk on his face. His hair was sleeked back as he held a homburg hat by the side of his face. He touched two of his fingertips to his own lips and passed that light kiss to the lips of the painting of Arthur and whispered, for the first time since he last went to the lake, “I love you.” He went to bed that night with the hopes that when Arthur was reborn, he was surrounded by the people who truly loved him.

 

 

**5.**

 

Merlin was going to be late for class and he knew it. It was his first day of college at NYU and he was going to be late. He would blame it on Arthur but he knew Arthur’s class didn’t start until eleven and it really was his own fault for choosing an eight o’clock class.

 

Arthur was born as an American in New York on the eighteenth of August in nineteen ninety-three. And now that he was older, Merlin was surprised to find that he looked exactly the same so Merlin decided to use his actual appearance as well.

 

(Arthur still had Morgana as a sister, older, but her name was Kath while Arthur was Nathan)

 

Merlin decided to be three years younger than he was and then he and Gaius moved to New York from California. They decided that Merlin would be Gaius’ only son and that they moved after Merlin’s mother died of cancer. A fresh start.

 

(It still hurt Merlin that his mother was never reincarnated.)

 

They moved to a flat (apartment) right next to Arthur’s family (and thank god Uther wasn’t his father this time around) when Merlin was ‘four’. It wasn’t really a nice first meeting.

 

(He called Arthur a prat—again—and kicked him on the shin and ran. Gaius was not amused.)

 

Despite the way they had met, Arthur still took care of Merlin when Gaius needed to work for them to survive. He always brought Merlin along wherever he went and he always held Merlin’s hand so he wouldn’t get lost.

 

As they got older, they simply got closer until they were inseparable. Where Arthur went, Merlin was right behind him. That was why, after graduating high school, he decided to study in NYU with Arthur. He was taking pre-law while Arthur finishes with his pre-med course. Arthur will wait for Merlin to finish pre-law then they would both fly to Boston—one to Harvard med school the other to Harvard law school. Mark, Lauren (Arthur’s parents), Kath (Morgana) and Gaius were quite amused that they would still be living together.

 

(A few years back, they were all worried that neither he nor Arthur— _Nathan_ —has ever dated and neither has ever talked about liking anyone. But they soon realized that the two boys had an unspoken agreement that they’d wait for each other.)

 

***

 

The advantage of having an early class, Merlin realized, was that he can go home early and take a nap if he wanted to.

 

***

 

He woke up to Arthur’s voice murmuring his name and a kiss on his forehead. He hummed softly with a fond smile and pulled Arthur closer to kiss his lips softly and murmured, ‘I love you.’ When his eyes fluttered open, he was still smiling softly at a shocked Arthur. He leaned up once more to give him another kiss and pulled the older man down with him on the couch to cuddle with. Arthur didn’t say the words back, but he did wrap his arms tightly around Merlin, his lips touching Merlin’s hair as he inhaled the younger man’s scent.

 

Merlin could wait until Arthur was ready to return those words.


	2. +1 Arthur

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, so, so sorry this is late. My life sucks. Shit happened in rl and I just, can't. So I'm sorry.
> 
> **  
> Unbeta'd. Unedited. I'm lazy.  
> **

**+1 Arthur**

 

Nathan looked down at Merlin, the younger man resting in his arms, looking peaceful and happy and just so god damned beautiful. Nathan has always known, somehow, that he wanted Merlin to be ‘it’ for him, even when they were kids. There was always something about Merlin that had pulled him in, as if Merlin was the right melody for the words his heart has been singing. And isn’t just the cheesiest thing Nathan has ever thought? It was all Merlin’s fault for making him feel the way he was feeling, because he was just so… so _Merlin_. Adorable, big eared, wide innocent-eyed, sweet, sweet _Merlin_. The man Nathan realized he has already fallen in love with. But somehow, _something’s_ holding him back from saying those three words to the younger man, as if there’s something missing before he could actually utter those words.

 

Nathan gently carded his fingers through Merlin’s dark locks which were soft and smelled nice, like fresh apples and a hint of lemons. Nathan couldn’t figure out how the hell Merlin smelled the way he was but it was still nice.

 

 He thought back of when he entered they shared apartment earlier, how peaceful and innocent and so, _so_ young Merlin looked on the couch. He’s been holding back for a while now, waiting for Merlin to make a move, but he just couldn’t resist but brush his lips on the younger man’s forehead and murmur his name with the love he has been feeling. And then Merlin woke up, smiling so brightly, so happy that Nathan was there, then pulled him to a soft, sweet kiss that left him dumbfounded. And then Merlin just smiled, a soft but somewhat distant one, as if he was seeing him but not actually _him_ and then said ‘I love you’ out loud for the first time, kissed him again and pulled him down to just so he can lie on Nathan’s chest. And Nathan knew he should say the words back, but they stuck in his throat and he just can’t, so he simply tightened his hold on the younger man, let his lips press against Merlin’s hair and inhale his scent, letting himself be lulled to sleep by the younger man’s soft breathing and calm heartbeat.

 

***

 

Nathan and Merlin’s relationship didn’t change much. They still teased each other like there was no tomorrow, they still stole each other’s food and argued about whose turn it was to wash the dishes or do some laundry. The only changes were that they now kissed (a lot), held hands when walking together, stood much, _much_ closer than they did before (and honestly, everyone was surprised that the two of them could physically get closer to each other) and the fact that they were now sharing a bedroom and a bed (Nathan’s, because it was bigger and more comfortable). They hadn’t had sex yet. They were waiting for the right moment. When that moment was, Nathan didn’t know.

 

***

 

Nathan and Merlin have been in a relationship for almost six months now. Their parents and Kath were unsurprised but were still extremely happy for both of them. Kath has been murmuring something along the lines, ‘about time’ when they went home for Thanksgiving months back.

 

It was Merlin’s birthday today and Nathan knew it was time they made love (and wasn’t that term just sappy but still the most fitting one for him and Merlin?). It wasn’t because it was Merlin’s birthday. There was just something about today that just made him feel that it was time.

 

And it really was the time.

 

As they lay in bed on their sides, Merlin’s back to Nathan’s chest, with Nathan running his nose over and over the back of Merlin’s neck as they made love, as Merlin gasps softly, running his hand over and over his forearm, flashes of a different scenarios came to his mind, flashing behind his eyelids, too fast for him to grasp a solid image but he knew the place, he remembered it. He stopped moving somewhat mid thrust, causing Merlin make a sound of confusion. Nathan—no, _Arthur_ —exhaled heavily, held Merlin tighter and gasped, “Merlin.” Arthur felt Merlin’s breath hitched, his hand tightening on Arthur’s forearm, his whole body tensing. “Merlin.” He breathe once more, nuzzling the back of Merlin’s neck. “Melin, Merlin, Merlin.” He kept on murmuring. He huffed a soft laugh, pulled out fully from the younger man’s heat, leaned up on an elbow and started raining his face with butterfly kisses, still murmuring the younger man’s name with so much love.

 

Arthur can feel Merlin’s hesitation, as if he was afraid that he was mistaken. “I love you.” Arthur murmured by Merlin’s ear with a soft smile. Arthur felt Merlin release a seemingly surprised breath. Arthur huffed a soft laugh and turned Merlin so that he was on his back, with Arthur hovering over him. “My warlock.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please do tell me if you think there are other tags I should put. :)
> 
> I have a multi-fandom blog on Tumblr (Destiel, Sterek, Johnlock, Marvey, Stony, Stilish and, duh, Merthur) - [castiel52](http://castiel52.tumblr.com)
> 
>   
> 22 year old Merlin
> 
>   
> Lance
> 
>   
> Gwen(ish)
> 
>   
> Gaius
> 
>   
> Arthur's pose(ish) in the painting


End file.
